Don't Judge me! You're not God.

Don’t Judge me! You’re not God.

Once you hit that lovely age of puberty your parents start to tell you about the birds and the bees. Some parents will tell you about it others will learn from school or some learn from friends. I learned from my parents and the school. We all watched those cheesy videos at school or received those awkward talks from your parents. Well I’m pretty sure we have all gotten those talks by now.

            I was always told to keep boys away. Which I usually always did! I never really had an actual boyfriend until high school. I’m sure you all know who I’m talking about, Scott. Yes, he is my first actual boyfriend.

            When we started dating, we started off with my grandmother’s death; he had only been my boyfriend for four days. Yeah, it was an intense start to a relationship. Anyways he met my mother first then my father second. They both really liked him. My dad told him about the country song that had just came out at that time “cleaning this gun’, it was a little embarrassing but that’s a dad for you.

            When my parents found out how old Scott was they seemed to not really care. They cared but they didn’t make it that big of a deal. My mom though would always tell me don’t do anything that you will regret please. That’s when I finally got my birds and the bees talk. It was so embarrassing!

            My parents didn’t want a pregnant daughter in high school; I don’t blame them because I didn’t want to be. But, now I’m a senior in high school no longer the freshman I used to be. I don’t mean that in anyway that my parents stopped caring now that

I’m a senior they probably cared more.

            This is probably one of the hardest things I have to come out with and say but yes, I am pregnant. I have let my parents down and myself letting this happen. I have told my mother but not my father.

            Right now I am lost in my own little world, I’m scared and confused. I didn’t want or wish for this to happen, but it did. I don’t care to hear any of your rude negative comments. I have my own rude negative comments going through my head right now. I’m sure I’ll still get them but I’m okay with that.

            My mother supports me 100%. I’m not completely mad at myself or regret this because babies are blessings. I will be as positive as I can be about this.

            My point is to, listen to your parents!! They know what is best! Listen to those birds and the bee’s talks! Stay safe don’t be dumb like me! Please, don't judge me, you're not God.

The Loss of Family...

The Loss of Family…

            My freshman year I lost someone very close to me, my Grandmother. I also lost a cousin, which came with even more losses, the loss of two other cousins, an aunt, and an uncle.

            My Grandmother was murdered my by my cousin Marcus. It was nothing nice. It was something that you saw in movies. I was also attacked. I was only 14. My Grandmother was in her early 70’s. Neither of us deserved this, nobody does.

            It all happened in my house in such a flash. I came home for a shower. My Grandmother was in my house because she just had surgery. My cousin was there because he wanted my fathers gun. He came for the pistol that my dad had in his bedroom. He simply wanted it because he wanted to be known. He wanted to be one of those people you see on T.V., those crazies that shoot up a public place. He wanted it to shoot up Safeway.

            My Grandmother was very Godly. She always tried to help my cousin Marcus. She wanted him to clean his life up. She wanted him to be saved. But, there was no saving him. He was already far to gone. This is what my Grandmother lost her life to, an Evil person.

            He attended Holbrook High School, there are a few teachers that remember him. He was not normal in high school. He was kicked out numerous times for death threats, blowing up teacher’s vehicles, and for drugs and alcohol. He has always had problems. It took my Grandmothers life for them to finally realize he needed help. Isn’t that pathetic? There was plenty of signs leading up to him finally doing something likes this.

            When we went to sentencing they tried to plead him insane. But he wasn’t. He knew exactly what he was doing. He had all his family there all pleading for a short sentence. Even I was. But he didn’t get a short sentence. He was sentenced for 97 years. 22 years for killing my Grandmother and 75 years for an assault with a deadly weapon against a minor.

            Most of you probably think how could I wish for a shorter sentence? But I did. Seeing him at the sentencing and hearing him apologize to me and him being so sympathetic just made me realize he wasn’t himself when he did what he did. He was cleaned up. He wished for my Grandmothers life back and that he wished that it was him who was gone.

            I forgave him. Most of you would probably think that I’m crazy. But I know its what my Grandmother would have wanted me to do. It’s what is right.

            After the sentencing I lost my cousins Samantha and Sandy I also lost my aunt and uncle. I don’t understand why they won’t talk to me or the rest of my family members. But they want nothing to do with us. Even my cousin Sandy has posted on Facebook that she doesn’t consider us family anymore. I do think they wont talk to us because of how many years he was sentenced. But it isn’t my fault. It’s his. That has been something hard for me to understand. Hopefully someday they will want to talk to us.

My Cousin Marcus took away someone very close to me. I won’t ever have my Grandmother there for my wedding, graduation, or anything important in my life. But, they have theirs. Which isn’t fair. I miss her everyday.

I do feel though family is forever, no matter what. Learn to forgive and hopefully forget. It will be hard but hopefully in the long run it will work out for you. I am a lot happier now then I used to be and I do think it’s because I’ve learned to live with this and deal with it.